Burned Out Paradise

C-ya

2005-12-11T12:39:00.000-05:00

I'm done with this again. Sometimes I see things that are funny and I think "perfect for Burned out Paradise!" but I am tired of thinking in blog terms. So now I'll probably just let stories about amusements and Adventures in Step Class bump around in my head.

To distract yourself I will tell you my favorite blogs and you can develop new diversions and obsessions, and then we can all get together and discuss the weird voyeurism of blog-reading (Chris):

1) ULTRAGRRRL www.ultragrrrl.blogspot.com (Hipster haters might want to avoid this site, but I like her and also this is where I found out about the Killers so long ago in early 2004).

2) I KEEP A DIARY www.ikeepadiary.com (This guy is friends with ultragrrrl and it's all funny pictures of he and his friends out boozin', so any discomfort with blog-reading is multiplied by 1000 here. But the captions are wicked funny and it is oddly addictive).

3) CITYRAG cityrag.blogs.com (This can be annoying sometimes with more references to College Humor than I would prefer. But they do a digest of celebrity gossip so you don't have to suffer though Pink is the New Blog. If you're all intense about Jessica and Nick and Britney and Kevin news though, go to Perez Hilton or D-Listed.)

4) GAWKER www.gawker.com (I recommed Friday's "Blue States Lose" where they make fun of party pics from the likes of Cobrasnake and Last Night's Party.)

5) I SOCIAL CLIMB isocialclimb.blogspot.com (Another buddy of Ultragrrrl's but it's a lot about fashion, esp. men's, which I think is interesting. And lately a bunch of pictures of f-ed up Pete Doherty)

6) WONKETTE www.wonkette.com (Snarky DC political gossip. Whatever, I'm from DC...It's in my general constitution to read stuff like this and to use words like consitution).

7) INKEDBLOG www.inkedblog.com (The best site ever about tattooing).

8) BAGHGDAD IS BURNING riverbendblog.blogspot.com (An amazing blog from Iraq, written by a chick)

9) BUNS AGAIN scarletfaith.blogspot.com (My buddy scarlet and her flower arranging, germophobic, lovely ways)

10) GO FUG YOURSELF gofugyourself.typepad.com (red carpet criticisms).

These are not places to improve yourself (with the possible exception of BAGHDAD IS BURNING) but who wants to do that on the internets anyhow?

Later, dudes.

...

grosser than gross

2005-12-04T23:16:00.000-05:00

My friend Mihaela went to Brazil with her tiny friend Heather a little while ago, and sent me the Shutterfly pictures that Heather took of the trip. Some of the pictures, such as the one above, referred in its caption to a "creepy monkey."

I took one look at that and was like, "That's no creepy monkey, that's a sloth!" which just so happens to be my arch enemy in the animal kingdom.

I think it is so horrifying that she is handling it. And wearing white pants with a pink stripe while doing it, to boot.

Wait-- which is grosser?

Don't date models or this will happen to YOU

2005-12-01T22:03:00.000-05:00

I know it is kind of played-out to cite Pete Doherty when espousing a drug-free lifestyle, but CHRIST. Look at this guy.

What's killing him is heroin, but what kills ME is that even when he isn't totally blitzed, he's still ugly! Man, oh man. This guy is not only a testament to the virtues of sobriety, but more so to the power of a rock star to hook a model.

Don't you LOVE how he is wearing a Burberry scarf?!

I got this from my new favorite blog I social climb.

[Flavored Potatoes, your Google search is "Pete Doherty drugs"]

Newsflash

2005-12-01T20:16:00.000-05:00

...

Relative to us, South Africa is now a model of inclusive, liberal values:

South Africa's High Court Rules in Favor of Gay Marriage

By MICHAEL WINES
Published: December 1, 2005

JOHANNESBURG, Dec. 1 - South Africa's highest court ruled today that same-sex marriages enjoy the same legal status as those between men and women, effectively making the nation one of just five worldwide that have removed legal barriers to gay and lesbian unions.

From the Time

cardio jam

2005-11-30T21:20:00.000-05:00

Ok, I am sure this isn't news to anyone else, but-- I went to cardio jam tonight and learned what Rachel called her "Britney routine" and I swear to god I could not do a single thing other than concentrate on my steps. How in god's name to people sing AND dance? Now I understand why people say things like "She can sing AND dance!" like that's all impressive. It is! I couldn't even LIP SYNC and do this. In fact I got all fucked up just looking at myself once in the mirror. Like, I could basically do the routine, I wasn't all two-left-feet about it, but it took all of my concentration to remember.

Though I have to say it would have helped a lot of Rachel had beat-counted more, or called out the steps like Trevor does in step class.

But anyhow, I am in love with cardio jam. I was even practicing my steps (to a limited degree) in the shower afterwards.

...
UPDATE I have been practicing compulsively in my kitchen.

...

LOVE

2005-11-30T18:25:00.000-05:00

...

Love is stopping in the middle of the sidewalk to pull (with your bare hands) some half-chewed chicken skin out of your dog's mouth so he doesn't get worms from eating crap off the sidewalk.

And doing it even though you have no napkin to wipe your fingers off afterwards.

I'm sure you thought love was "butterflies" or "growing old together" or some bullshit like that. Well, you heard it here first.

I'm sure you cat people have some equivalent.

Speaking of gross (but not love), someone barfed on the downtown N this afternoon right in the doorway. They had to hold the train in the station and "isolate" the car. If you're going to do that, why not aim at the platform instead of JUST INSISDE the train?

...

I would think this were a joke if it were not in the New York Times, which we all know is a very serious newspaper

2005-11-29T17:39:00.000-05:00

There is a totally for-real article today about this thing called the "mosquito" which "can be heard by most people younger than 20 and almost no one older than 30."

They are using it to keep teenagers from loitering. This article seriously sounds like a joke. I can't get over it. Check it:

....
So far, the Mosquito has been road-tested in only one place, at the entrance to the Spar convenience store in this town in South Wales. Like birds perched on telephone wires, surly teenagers used to plant themselves on the railings just outside the door, smoking, drinking, shouting rude words at customers and making regular disruptive forays inside.

"On the low end of the scale, it would be intimidating for customers," said Robert Gough, who, with his parents, owns the store. "On the high end, they'd be in the shop fighting, stealing and assaulting the staff."

Mr. Gough (pronounced GUFF) planned to install a sound system that would blast classical music into the parking lot, another method known to horrify hang-out youths into dispersing, but never got around to it. But last month, Mr. Stapleton gave him a Mosquito for a free trial. The results were almost instantaneous. It was as if someone had used anti-teenager spray around the entrance, the way you might spray your sofas to keep pets off. Where disaffected youths used to congregate, now there is no one.

He is considering introducing a much louder unit that can be switched on in emergencies with a panic button. It would be most useful when youths swarm into stores and begin stealing en masse, a phenomenon known in Britain as steaming. The idea would be to blast them with such an unacceptably loud, high noise - a noise inaudible to older shoppers - that they would immediately leave.

for real

2005-11-28T20:15:00.001-05:00

...

Excuse me but has anyone been to Payless recently? I used to do all my shoe shopping there when I was in high school because I was a vegetarian and didn't wear leather. I wore fake Doc Martens that were called Juliano's, and bought all my other shoes at Payless. Anyhow, since the early 90s I haven't been back in there. But last week I was killing time, waiting to meet someone who was an hour fucking late, and I popped into the Payless next door to our meeting spot. Holy sheet, I saw some shoes that I have been thinking about ever since then. So I went back tonight and got them, plus one more pair for half price. I got BOGO on the brain!

Anyhow, contrary to my M.O. in high school (as most things are now) it is good to avoid the leather-like shoes, although they do have some that are real leather. They have a nice selection of fabric shoes, little flats and such, that are totally cute.

Also, in TOTALLY unrelated news, I saw Henry Rollins in a "don't do crystal meth" PSA on television the other day. Ha! What the fuck?*
-----------
*(Flavored Potatoes, do a Google Search for "Henry Rollins Black Flag.")

...

suspicions confirmed

2005-11-27T16:15:00.000-05:00

...

I realized that I really AM becoming someone who is happiest when I get to bed early and sober, wake up early to take the dog to the park, and get lots of stuff done during the day. I value health and healthy feelings and sometimes get bored by what-I-did-last-night stories. I remember when I was a teenager I thought I would wear black eyeliner and live and breathe Jane's Addiction forever. In my early 20s I thought I would never want to do anything on Friday and Saturday nights but booze it up. Why am I always surprised when I change in spite of myself?

That said, I was noticing yesterday that you can buy stickers and mugs on Ofoto with your photographs on them. I was thinking how funny it would be to take a picture of one of your buddies all sloppy drunk and give it to her on a mug. One of you, watch out at Christmas.

Anyhow, I think I am going to go read my most hated blog now. For some reason these feelings bring out the greek tradegy in me.

...

all the answers, right here.

2005-11-27T15:05:00.000-05:00

...

Did you people see this article in the Times today about the new ways that parents are handling post-divorce custody?

There are times in your life when all of a sudden you realize that something is really changing for real. My parents are not divorced, but most of my friends' parents are -- more are than are not. So this article was very interesting to me. First there is the neverending surprise that I still feel over how people do business online. For example, (you should read the article, but let me tell you anyway) there is a website that helps parents keep track of things like schedules and money. That way they can haggle over fight-causing topics online, hopefully in order to avoid those fights. I think that sounds great. It also helps keep you organized, too, I bet ... AND you have a record of all your dealings so no one can try any funny business.

What really blew my mind was the parents whose kids live in the house, and they live elsewhere, alternating days that they stay with the kids in the house. I wonder if other people do that. I know people who really hated (and still do) the double-house shuffle. My friend Lauren eats two Thanksgiving dinners because of it still, and she's 27. I wonder what it takes to pull something like that off. I guess one thing it would require is neither of the parents getting re-married.

One thing I don't get though, is how otherwise intelligent people (experts, the Times, whoever) can be so naive as to think that there is a right and wrong way to handle a troubled marriage. You can't say that divorce definitively harms kids or not, any more than you can say it is "better" for women to work or stay home. You just have to call it like you see it. I mean, it's your family -- you'd think people would have a sense of whether things are working or not.

The best quote I read was a woman who said she knows she is a balancing her life well when she feels equally guilty about neglecting her children and work.

...

yes, I have a favorite model

2005-11-26T16:57:00.000-05:00

I was looking at Style.com just now, and ran across this picture of my favorite model Gemma Ward, all zitty.

Heh.

...

They probably mean relief FROM STRESS right?

2005-11-25T16:33:00.000-05:00

Welcome back from Thanksgiving everybody, ok. I drove to New Jersey yesterday and it took one and a half hours to get across Canal Street to the Holland Tunnel. I had to pee so badly that I thought I was going to have to put on the hazzards and pee on the sidewalk. I made it to Jersey City and got to a Porta-John at the Exxon. Thanks, Tiger Mart!

Anyhow, we had a lovely Thanksgiving in Glen Ridge and I played "take the garbage to the dump" for about 6 hours with my very tidy god-son Brady. Then we read some Richard Scaary before bed.

Today I came back and Beausoleil and I were happily reunited. What a good boy. He had to stay at Eva's Play Pups where he socialized and was a good boy. They gave him a bath and a haircut. He is so soft, he feels like a little duckling.

...

I am for sure going to have to wear my hair down

2005-11-22T21:04:00.000-05:00

Today I had some very exciting news. I found out that Rachel the Club Strength girl will be teaching CARDIO JAM on Wednesdays! I expressed interested, as I like anything with a jam. Anyhow, she said, "get ready to release your inner Britney."

Sister, I have BEEN ready. I don't think my inner Britney is buried all that deep. I hope she was serious because I am interested in learning the choreography for both the "Oops I did it again" video, and "Slave 4 U."

I am so excited about this, I think it is a good topic to consider while I walk the dog. I think just imagining Cardio Jam will get me through the whole walk. Yes!

Happy Thanksgiving.

about as Straight Up and Dirty as Charlotte York

2005-11-21T20:41:00.000-05:00

...

There is this blog that I like whose comments section is always on fie-yuh. Haters are always writing stuff about how her music taste sucks, she should get a real job, she thinks she's hot shit but she's really not,* and so forth. Anyhow, then erupts big arguments about why in god's name people read the blog if they hate it so much, and furthermore, why do they comment? The same thing happens every day. I am definitely of the "if you don't like it, leave it alone" camp.

But I kind of understand now. Because there is a blog that I hate. I mean, I HATE. It is written by a girl who is so cloying, sentimental and cliche, she makes me itch. She makes me itch like the expression "you go girl!" (of which there is a lot of in her comments) does, or people who say their most favorite activity is to laugh with friends, or curl up with a good book.

I don't have her site bookmarked, but I Google it a few times a week and torture myself. After I am done wallowing in her awful writing, I follow up by reading her "you go girl! I love the way you express yourself!" comments.

I just cannot help it. I only left a comment once, and I kept it pretty tame. I still feel that even if you read someone's blog just to torture yourself, you still shouldn't leave comments about how you think their site is a piece of shit.

But man, I don't know. This girl is going to drive me up a wall. But why do I care? I don't want to hate.

For that reason I won't post the name of it here, but if you want to torture yourself, email me and I will tell you, if you haven't guessed already.

----
*Doesn't that remind you of 8th grade when the main complaint girls had against each other was "She thinks she's so cool, but she's really not" ?

...

All before 9 a.m., too.

2005-11-20T11:40:00.000-05:00

..

On Thursday, we met with Denise the Dog Lady for Beausoleil's first therapy session for his separation anxiety. She diagnosed him as being "high energy" and "compulsively social" (he must get that from his father, cuz it ain't from me). Anyhow, part of her recommendation was more active socializing time with other dogs. So last night I went to bed early, and sprang up this morning at 7:30 and took Beausoleil "Teeny Frank" Francis to Prospect Park to go of-leash.

I was very nervous about this because Beausoleil is not terribly obediant. He listens sometimes, but not when he is fired up, which is when he is most likely to run off. Most people look at me like I am crazy when I say I am scared to take him off-leash at Prospect Park, because the dog area is all deep in the park and how could he run away?

But I am not kidding when I tell you that my dog can HAUL ASS. I know he looks like this silly Cocker Spaniel, and he is, but he also runs like a motherfucking cheetah.

Nevertheless, we gave it a shot.
This is Beausoleil frisking with a poodle. Somehow I managed to take a picture where you can't see the 6,000 dogs and people that were there. My puppy was SO happy.

Another quality that he does not get from me is that he is very socially forward. Beausoleil chases all dogs, big and small, and does not wait to be chased. He is up in everyone's face (or ass, whatever). And he'll hump anyone. This is him in action.

I wish I had a picture of when he was trying to sniff a Great Dane's ass and he couldn't even reach it, because the dog was so gigantic. Anyhow, my puppy was very happy and got his paws all dirty. See him? He's like "YES!"

After awhile I got tired of worrying that he would run away, so we went home. Now he is sacked the fuck out, which is hopefully how he will remain for awhile, especially when I have to go after his ears, which are all full of leaves and burrs and crap.

...

Hot Top Ten Dances

2005-11-18T10:36:00.000-05:00

For those of you who don't read Time Out New York, I am reproducing for you here their top ten touch down celebration dances, which is fucking funny.

1. Pretending to chainsaw goalpost (with a football)

2. Nazi goose step (across endzone)

3. Humping goalpost (followed by miming having a cigarette)

4. Bowling helmet (into goalpost)

5. Three stooges routine (trying to spike ball but stuck to hand, then using foot to pry off, followed by curly slap dance c. 1943)

6. Guy stuck in glass box (busting out then performing the prince from Swan Lake)

7. Squatting (with football dropping from groin)

8. Setting up book signing (in end zone)

9. Waiter (offering ground pepper)

10. Strip tease (mimicking slow glove removal and fan dance)

...

I totally wish someone would take a picture of MY cellulite and post it on the internet

2005-11-17T10:04:00.000-05:00

I heard again online about this ass-enhancing plastic surgery that people get. That is so funny to me, because as someone who is two parts J.Lo and one part Beyonce, I can't relate to this "I have no ass" business.

...

I live my best life, yes, ma'am!

2005-11-15T09:39:00.000-05:00

...

I love Oprah. I don't care what you say, I do. I have even been known to invoke the CHURCH of Oprah. I am not a sucker, she is amazing. There is a nice article about her in the New York Times today.

Now, do I love her enough to get the 20 years of Oprah DVD?

...

Three things I like that nobody else does

2005-11-14T21:01:00.000-05:00

...

1. Dog breath: Well, Beausoleil's only. I don't want to smell your dog's breath.

2. Jehovah's Witnesses: There are these nice ladies that stroll around my neighborhood on weekend mornings and say hello to me in a very polite and friendly way. I think they are Jehovah's Witnesses. I always like to see them and say hello.

3. People who wear a lot of perfume: I don't like to be choked by it, but I do like what most people would consider to be "too much" perfume. Or cologne. I like it when you can smell someone's signature scent even if they have already passed by you. I don't like it when it's covering up other shit though, like cigarettes. Nasty!

...

Matthew McConnaughey, you kill me.

2005-11-12T20:35:00.000-05:00

...

I can't stand how you chew your little toothpick, shopping for a Rolex and sipping champagne. Please stop. It's too much for a simple girl like me.

hey, sisters

2005-11-12T11:32:00.000-05:00

There is a nice article about Madonna in the Times today. Down with the buttoned-up English lady!

A lot of the time I don't like reminiscing too much about the 80s, because being a kid was so uncomfortable for me. But I do like to remember the very first music video I ever saw, which was Madonna's "Borderline." It blew my mind. I couldn't believe her lime green ankle socks. I saw the video after school on a network music video program called "HOT." The name of the show was written diagonally across the screen in hot pink, with a jaggedy underline. Yes!

...

the gym

2005-11-11T11:17:00.000-05:00

...

Do you ever think you're doing ok, and then realize to your horror that you're acting creepy or otherwise socially out-of-line? I am not asking hypothetically. I was totally creepy at the gym last night and now I am humiliated.

I sometimes take a kick-boxing class which is taught by this woman who makes all sorts of silly faces all through class. Usually they are like a child or pot-smoker trying not to laugh. I forgot that when you look at someone in a mirror, they can still see you, so I spent the entire hour staring at her (and really-- I mean STARING) trying to figure out the whys and wherefores of her crazy faces. She caught my eye and later said something about how we should be watching our own feet. Now instead of her being the crazy one, I am. And creepy, too. That sucks.

Speaking of creepy, I totally have a crush on one of the trainers, and apparently so does some m4m on Craigslist. I hate to break it to him, but I totally saw Michael kissing some girl on the stretching mats.

Michael the NYSC trainer ( Park Slope NYSC ) - m4m - 27

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Reply to: pers-110344088@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-11-10, 5:25PM EST

i hope you see this because im too shy to actually talk to you in person
your name is Michael...you're a trainer at the Park Slope NYSC
you're white and have sorta short brown/black hair and you're about 5'8 (something like that)
anyway, i go there and see you a couple times a week
i'm mid 20's, jock body green eyes
if you read this email me back because if you dont ill never say hi in person
:(

Update

2005-11-10T18:05:00.000-05:00

...

Witty Buddy Kirsten said that she would match the Rhodesian Ridgeback with CostCo.
Ha!
Thanks Kirsten, something about a dog named for a colonial African nation says "CostCo" to me, too.

...

update on my mom

2005-11-09T20:04:00.000-05:00

...

Ok my mom is now making daily references to firing her nine. She even explained it to her 60 year old lady friends. I told her about this commercial they have on Power 105 where you call in and bitch about stuff or make confessions or call people out on the air. They have this commercial for a morning show, where they go, "Are you a homo thug on the down low?" [you know my mom loves that] and then they go on to say "don't air out the nine, air out the line!"

So today my mom's watercolor students were pissing her off (one of them cried in class and another spilled white out all over herself) so my mom called me up and was like, "I had to air out the nine in class today."

Mm-hm.
...

a girl has to pass the time

2005-11-09T19:54:00.000-05:00

...

I spend lots and lots of time walking Beausoleil, and usually I am walking him alone. I don't have an iPod, so that gives me heaps of opportunities to think about stuff. Instead of doing useful things like organizing my life or pondering school, I come up with other topics, "Coffee Talk" steez. Discuss.

Like lately I have been thinking about stores we all know, and which dog corresponds with which store.
For example, Labradors are the Gap. They are popular all-purpose dogs that everyone has and everyone likes.
Or Jack Russel Terriers: Abercrombie and Fitch. Both are youthful and have mass appeal, but are also sort of irritating in that they have a special "thing" you have to deal with. Like with Jack Russels, you have to be okay with the fact that they do backflips 23 hours a day. With Abercrombie, you have to be okay with their homoerotic advertising (aces!) and racist, sexist teeshirts (boo).

I have to think more on this. I am only choosing common dogs that everyone knows. I am not sure there is a corresponding store for Rhodesian Ridgebacks.

...

my mom's been keeping it extra real lately

2005-11-07T20:39:00.000-05:00

...

Yesterday my mom said something about firing her nine in the air.
Granted, it was in reference to getting my dad to get off his keyster and do some housework, but still.

...

In other news, today in Step class Trevor had us start in a squatting position and then jump up in the air, over and over. Try it. It sucks.

PS- That is the kind of thing that Madonna does gracefully on stage 8 times in a row. I know because I saw her in concert in 2001 and she did that and I counted. So say what you will about her, but her thighs are unholy.

...

sometimes there is nothing more annoying than a self-righteous white lady. Wait-- no, I mean it!

2005-11-06T13:11:00.000-05:00

...

So I am doing work in COMFORTZONE, the crappily named but very nice new coffeshop around the corner from me.

I am sitting sort of near the restroom and there was a woman in there with her toddler for about 10 minutes or so! A crowd developed waiting for the single, unisex restroom, and started getting restless, as people who have to pee are wont to do. A few folks knocked on the door -- forcefully but not rudely. The lady inside was all "YES! There is a child in here!" all peeved. When she came out she had a major bee in her bonnet.

She turned to one lady who had been waiting and was like, "You are a grown up, you're supposed to be able to wait, I had a child in there!" and the lady who was waiting pointed out that she herself had three kids, but even for grownups, waiting 10 minutes for a public bathroom was a pretty long time. (Especially when you've been drinking coffee, I might add.)

It got all heated, and culminated with the mom saying "Hasn't your kid ever had to take a SHIT BEFORE?!" all loudly. I was horrified by the coarseness of it all. I really feel that it is a tough thing to be a mom out and about, and people should be sensitive to the extra requirements of "life." But there is also a righteousness where people with kids act like the world should revolve around them. Like, "Oh, a CHILD is in there!" like it is the baby jesus himself or something.

...

way late DVD review

2005-11-06T11:04:00.000-05:00

I watched Gus Van Sant's "Last Days" on DVD last night. The two most important factors for me in the experience were
1) I am not a "film" person at all
2) I really, really love Nirvana

Last night I was feeling all patient and in the mood where I was able to participate in and think about the movie. Usually, I am not a Gus Van Sant sort of girl. But hey, you know what? I really really liked Last Days.

Here's the deal: there is no Courtney, so forget about that. You don't see him shooting up, so forget about that, too. The movie is obviously about Kurt Cobain -- you see the famous sweater above, and it's full of all sorts of Kurt-isms -- cross dressing, messy blond hair, lots of flannel shirts, his muttery growl. Actually, pretty much all he does is mutter and growl, all through the movie. They didn't play any Nirvana, but if they were going to have a song to match the tone, it would probably be "Pennyroyal Tea" -- though that might be too upbeat.

Anyhow, though it is clearly about Kurt Cobain, it is fictionalized. There is a Dave Grohl character, but you can only really tell because he has the same haircut. There is no Kris Novoselic. Though there is a gay sex scene between the Dave Grohl character and some other guy! The last matching detail is the greenhouse where he dies, a small house out back. It's interesting to consider why some details were chosen from real life and why others were made up.

Like I said, I'm no film person so I am not going to say much about the cinematography or anything, but I did watch all the special features about the making of the movie, and I watched with interest.

I think the main thing I got from it is a new, and probably more nuanced way of thinking about what happened. The conventional wisdom has been diluted down to an explanation that is one part his parents' divorce, one part angst over fame, one part drugs and one part rock and roll cliche. This movie reminded me of the exceptional isolation of a person who is suicidal, and that isolation is squared by heroin. I think that trying to rationalize a person in that place is impossible. I'm not sure I can really explain what I mean, but I would recommend the movie and then maybe you'll see.

A+, Gus!

...

PS - Plus I have to say: it totally cracks me up that Michael Pitt is the same guy who played Henry, the freshman football player who lusted after Jen on Dawson's Creek. I know that since then he was in that orgy movie, but still. He's still Henry. Sorry, Pitt!

Brandon Flowers playing my favorite part of my favorite song

2005-11-05T00:32:00.000-05:00

nabe news

2005-11-04T14:48:00.000-05:00

...

My friend, the Californiafied Sabrina sent me a link to this article L-ification which is about gentrification in (mercifully) Williamsburg. Even if you have thought a lot about and even wrung your hands over gentrification already, I would recommend this article from New York Magazine. My barometer for (as they say in the biz) "a good read" is whether I put it in my bag when the subway arrives at my stop, or whether I keep reading and obnoxiously drift and weave along the platform's edge toward the turnstile. This was a total Drift and Weave Platform Read. Plus, it had the perfect barometer for gentrification: the availability of wine, soymilk and yoga.*

Anyhow, extra snaps to Sabrina for discovering this all the way from Long Beach, home to Snoop and Nate Dogg. Whenever I pick up New York Magazine in the doctor's office, it is boring. Whenever people alert me to articles inside, it is fantastic. I feel like it's someone sticking out their tongue behind your back, only to get all poker-faced when you spin around.

Sometimes I am not sure who the culprit is with gentrification. I mean that earnestly. I am willing to admit it is me. But I wonder: is it the builders? The landlords? The tenants? The people who start selling soymilk? What exactly are you supposed to pinpoint between Williamsburg ten years ago and W'burg today? Or Park Slope for that matter. I just wonder because I have very mixed feelings about Park Slope. I am the yuppie, I know. But on the other hand, I keep my dirty apartment because I could never afford to move within this neighborhood. All rents are out of my price range. I moved here four years ago. I still pay a lot. I wonder: if old-time Park Slopers could have their way and get me to move out, where would I go? I would go to some other pre-gentrified Brooklyn neighborhood. It's not like I can afford the West Village.

Also, part of the reason I initially liked Brooklyn is because I get sick of all the fabulousness of Manhattan. But christ -- I am sick to death of all the cutesy boutiques and fancy-pants restaurants. I would be happy if it was JUST wine, soymillk and yoga. But seriously: my parents have several times clipped articles from the New York Times and the Washington Post (for christ's sakes) about how 5th ave in Park Slope is the new Spot for shopping and dining. God. You can be sure none of the restaurants end in apostrophe-S.

In other neighborhood news, there is this little boy that lives up the street who looks about 7 or 8. I see him a lot when I walk the dog and he is waiting for the school bus. He really likes Beausoleil and always wants to pet him. He is a very sweet kid, but I think there is something a little off about him. He seems sort of slow, and when it comes to stopping and petting the dog, he is definitely slow. But he so sincerely wants to that I always stop.

Except today, I just wanted to get going so I saw him and crossed to the other side of the street. Right away in my head I told myself that I did that so that the dog would be walking on the side where he wouldn't be tempted to pee all over the garbage bags, which I feel is disrespectful to the garbage collectors. I knew it was a lie though! Anyhow, I was walking along and I hear: "Hello! Hello!" and I was like, Oh God, and ignored it. But then I glanced over and the kid is earnestly waving at me from across the street, all happy. Man oh man, was I busted for being a jackass.

Sometimes you just have a feeling about a person: I think that intellectually there may be something a little not-quite-all-there with this little boy. But I also feel that he is a very sincere and loving person. He adores Beausoleil and is so unabashed about approaching us, and it is different from the usual Tasmanian-devil type enthusiasm of other children his age. His father, who waits for the bus outside for him, is a polite but reserved person. Sometimes I worry that the boy is emotionally repressed by this environment.

Fuck, and here I was crossing the street to avoid him. I think my karma is all fouled up today.

----
* I realize that I used the word "barometer" twice in there, but I really don't think I had a choice.

...

Score: Al-Qaeda --3,000 America -- 100,000+ Congratulations.

2005-11-01T20:55:00.000-05:00

...

I know you people like all jokes all the time here at Burned Out Paradise, but I have spent some time reading blogs from Iraq and I thought maybe you would like to, also. Baghdad is Burning is pretty amazing. I haven't read enough to figure out who writes it, though I know a woman is the author. She writes better in English than many, many American bloggers. Present company excluded. No, just kidding, relax.

Also, her 9-11-05 reflections really blew my hair back. Her memory of it starts out just like many people's do here: phone call from loved one saying turn on the tv, crazy footage of the twin towers, a whole lot of "what the fuck?" etc etc. But then she breaks it down.

...

remember back in the summer when I was always cranky and complaining?

2005-11-01T17:09:00.000-05:00

Thank god Halloween is over. All the parents in my neighborhood dress up when they take their kids out for trick-or-treating, which I find not only annoying, but pathetic. Also, a lot of the kids have pathetic costumes. It annoys me to see some kid in a sweatsuit wearing a crappy mask with a big bag of candy. I wish those kids would at least cut some eyeholes in a sheet and be a damn ghost. I did that once; you do have to watch out walking up steps. My step instructor Trevor (I think) gave us candy after class, which was nice, and told us a funny story about his friend's car getting egged. The friend saw the eggers positioning their weapons but was on a one-way street with no way to turn around, so he had to plow through, and got totally bombed.

Also I saw a kid whose costume was a blue bandana wrapped Tupac style around his head, and some sort of plastic club. He looked about 6. Maybe he was a hybrid Crip/LAPD? I don't even want to know.

Today Beausoleil has a cough so I am unable to think about anything else (well, his cough and Halloween). We have to go to the vet. I can't listen to his raspy little doggy breaths one more second. We have to go see Dr. Salas, my adorable 21 year old vet.

Also, I think my ass is getting bigger and beginning to move independently. Damn you, Trevor, for giving me a mini Krackle after class.

Later, dudes.

..

Clintonisms

2005-10-30T19:24:00.000-05:00

"The great thing about being out of public office is that you can say whatever you want. The downside is that nobody cares anymore, but at least you can say it."

"It's tough to vote for someone who you think is scared of you."

About the right, and dirty politics:
"If you don't want to fight for the future and you can't figure out a way to beat these people then find something else to do."

"Why can't we talk about it? Because political ads turn every player in this game into a 2 dimensional cartoon rather than a 3 dimensional person."

About Walmart
"I think on balance they have done more good than harm but I think that they .... most of the harm they did is like most of us do. One of the great problems with every organization is that they keep on doing what works till they break the system that lifted them up. ... but when Kmart was buying 45% American goods, Walmart was buying 55%."

From the Texas Book Festival, Saturday 10-29-05

How many rubles is this eggplant?

2005-10-30T15:35:00.000-05:00

...

This morning I stopped at the farmer's market on 5th avenue and 3rd street while I was walking home from the gym. The vegetable stand is run by a young woman who is central or eastern European. She is really nice and aces all around, except she has this annoying habit of saying "pesos" to anyone she thinks is Hispanic. This is a new trick that she thought up just this fall, and she smiles like she thinks it is all clever. Anyhow, she said it to some guy today and he said, "What? I'm Japanese, not Mexican!" hahahahaha.

...

jigga what? jigga who?

2005-10-29T09:54:00.000-04:00

There is an interesting article about Jay-Z in the Times today. I know that citing the Times for any cultural item more cutting-edge than the Metropolitan Museum of Art is risky bidness, but I still thought this was an interesting article. Also I liked the picture, above.

But I think serious hip-hop/music people have mixed feelings about Jigga, too. Kind of like how art people have mixed feelings about Albert Bierstadt, Andrew Wyeth and Norman Rockwell. Or literary people have mixed feeelings about John Irving.

It's one thing to sample, it's another thing to do little more creative than find a new, fun way to re-package greatest funk and soul hits of the 70s.

On the other hand, I never switch the station when Jay comes on the radio.

Oh, and in the article I liked the snarky comments about Kanye West. I like Kanye, but the Times noticing that he wasn't street enough for the crowd at Power Jam was pretty fucking funny.

...

The Man Crush: EVIDENCE!

2005-10-28T16:37:00.000-04:00

Dudes everywhere will deny its existence, but I present to you EVIDENCE OF THE MAN CRUSH, kindly provided to me by c.m. Bill. Behold our email of this afternoon:
________________________________________________________________
Subject: RE: your man crush
Date: Fri, 28 Oct 2005 16:23:14 -0400
From: "Bill" View Contact Details Add Mobile Alert
To: "julia"

I'm convinced I'm in love with him.

-----Original Message-----
From: julia
Sent: Friday, October 28, 2005 4:18 PM
To: Bill
Subject: your man crush

Too bad you're not at home like me because Clooney is on Oprah which I
am watching with one eye while I edit a paper. I am all giggling at
his jokes like he's here in the room or something. That guy is f-ing
funny.

.....

a total stretch of the imagination. really.

2005-10-27T08:01:00.000-04:00

...

I found these fun things on Daily Kos, who I think got them from someone else, but whatever.

like colin farrell with a fucking camera

2005-10-26T19:06:00.000-04:00

So one fun thing about my photography seminar is that there is a girl who used to work at the Times and gives the straight dope on the gossip over at the paper. I'm not talking "editor xyz is such a jerkoff" it's more along the lines of who's-hot-and-who's-not.

So apparently photojournalists are the new rockstars and there's nothing that the Times PYTs love more than a hot dude with a camera. According to my source -- we'll call her Chris -- the hot piece of ass over at the paper is one Tyler Hicks.

I mean, look at this guy. Can you imagine being THIS guy AND being a hot photojournalist? I mean that's like shooting fish in a barrell!

The best part was that when Chris was telling us about the white hot ways of Tyler Hicks, she started fanning herself. Our professor reminded her that she just got married, so as she tried to compose herself, she tossed her coffee all across the table (all over my library books actually). Then everyone laughed and she got totally fucking flustered. Yes!

...

holy everloving crap

2005-10-26T17:27:00.000-04:00

...

So my friend Emily just emailed me that she was browsing on the Wilson's Leather website, looking for a white leather jacket (more on that later) and found this:

I think my heart just skipped a beat. God, I mean I would way rather have this (DID YOU SEE THE INSIDE?) than an iPod for 250 bones. And for those of you who don't know me, rest assured there would be NO IRONY when I wore it.

Now, in other news: my friend Emily who is determined to wear white leather.... I mean words cannot express how much I love this. And believe me people, she will. Because when Em is on a quest, she. does. not . fuck. uh. round. The thought that if somehow the world could have aligned itself such that I would not have become friends with her makes me panic a little. Is it shallow to love someone because they want to wear white leather? It's not the only reason, after all.

...

well, at least she's honest

2005-10-24T15:23:00.000-04:00

...

Today I read an interview with some old lady named Mary McFadden who, according to W magazine is "best known for her Marii pleats and archeological bent" -- whatever that means. Anyhow, check out what W and Vogue and their ilk consider to be the money-shot of an interview:

W: What are your secrets for keeping your figure?
MM: I follow a starvation diet and three and a half hours of exercise a day.

I'm not kidding! This is on page 142 of the November W.

Isn't that disgusting? I mean, what a waste. She could at least get herself a good amphetamine-and-blow cocktail, and save herself those three AND A HALF hours with the p.t.

I mean, when's a girl supposed to fit archeology into a busy schedule of frenzied stariclimbing under the influence of starvation-induced mania?

God.

...

yeah!

2005-10-23T22:52:00.000-04:00

...

By the way, the Fugees have a new song out and Lauryn has collaborated again with Nas. Welcome back!

...

well, a girl has to take a break

2005-10-23T22:49:00.000-04:00

...

In my opinion, Grey's Anatomy is the best show on TV. Sunday, ABC, 10 p.m.

...

work at it like a crack addict

2005-10-23T22:33:00.000-04:00

...

Holy crap, no pictures, no words.

So last Weds. in class someone mentions the paper that will be due NEXT Weds, as in: a couple of days from now. That was news to me since I hadn't read the long-term portion of my syllabus since the 1st day of class. Then the num-nuts who brought it up in the first place wanted to go around the room and say what we're writing about. Good thing there were a few people ahead of me (I'm no teacher's pet in the front of the room) so I had a minute to think of a topic. Christ. Anyhow, I changed my topic since then but the one I said in class was actually ok. I was glad because I'm not good at thinking on the fly.

Anyhow, since then I've been working like a damn dog. I owe phone calls to people I don't want to talk to and I haven't been to the grocery store in a week. And I live in my new Old Navy yoga pants and Grassroots teeshirt. I really live in those pants: I have one pair for the gym and one pair for the rest of my life when I am not at work.

I did see my friend Liz's photo show on Friday though, and I was proud. I hung out with her friends who were great, and I was happy. I met a nice boy. As my mom says, "all fun is over" though, because tomorrow I have to fight with human resources at work. Crap.

...

Everybody's a little bit racist! But you know, some more than others.

2005-10-21T15:40:00.001-04:00

...

Check out this story about "young singers who spread racist hate."

This is a big relief to me because I feel like the genre has really been dominated by the scary neo-nazi skinhead guys, and it's really not just about that! Though my only question is why the white suprematists always take it back all the way to Hitler. Because there are lots of white suprematists out there. The Bush Administration, for example, is lousy with them.

Have a nice weekend yall.

...

or roughly 40 times as many as on 9-11

2005-10-19T22:24:00.000-04:00

...

I think it's worth mentioning that 79,000 people have died in the earthquake in South Asia. I found this out because it was a sidebar on Salon.com today.

I am surprised that this event doesn't seem to be registering on people's (you know, the United States') radar. Especially considering how catastrophe-obsessed we are.

I am too tired to get all fucking fired up about this non-reporting, and you all know the story anyway. It's just that this particular event is way worse than 9-11, the Tsunami and Katrina put together. Are people having tragedy fatigue? I am having complaining-about-the-media fatigue. But still.

SEVENTY NINE THOUSAND PEOPLE.

...

Sunday morning action

2005-10-17T09:47:00.000-04:00

Yesterday there was a lot going on in the morning in Park Slope. I went out to walk the pup and had to run back inside to get my camera. When I came back out, this guy was walking up the street and was all, "Hey, take my picture!" all off-handedly. So I was like, "OK! C'mere!" and then he seemed surprised, but cool.

His name was Milton and he gets his laundry done before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

Then I went to go check this out.

And here you are. I wonder if it would be bitchy if I emailed voicesofdecent and told them they spelled "dissent" wrong. Sometimes I don't know if I am technically part of this problem since I am young and white and all, but I don't really have all that much money either. If rents go up, I'll have to leave too. Anyhow I thought this was an interesting sign, and I am also not in favor of 12 story apartment buildings on 4th ave. But they should figure out how to spell dissent.

Anyhow, then I came across this barrel.

Big fucking deal, you say?
Well, here is a close-up:

Ha! Arrogant barrel.

So what I originally came out to photograph was this chipper little soccer player.

Everytime I pass by this piece, I'm all, "Hey, thanks buddy!"
Then when I cruised back home, I saw Gumby --faring less well than the soccer player -- lurking by the garbage.

Doesn't he really look like he's having a hard time? Hm.

...

screw screw screw you spammers

2005-10-15T11:34:00.000-04:00

...

Bah! I have been having a lot of comment spam lately even though I tried to do the word-protection. So I turned the comments off. The only people who comment on this site are people who know me anyhow, so you can just email me. At my regular address or at the "hollatchagirl" which I think has been pushed to the bottom of the site.

Anyhow I am congested but charging forth anyhow. My mom got me new Greek cookbook for my birthday so I want to go to the co-op and get groceries and make something from it. Then my totally awesome Californiafied friend Garcia is visiting from LA so we are having dinner at Rosa Mexicano which just opened up "downtown" (ha! it's all relative right?) on 18th street.

I turned on the television to watch while I ate breakfast and found this show about a guy travelling around central America and Mexico visiting precolumbian sites and hanging out with Maya descendants. Crap! But I really have to do stuff. It's weird because I can understand the Spanish spoken on this show, but other times I can't understand a damn thing, like when I went to El Salvador. I really need to learn how to speak Spanish for real. I should have done that during college, damn.

Well, anyhow-- off to my cookbook.

...

because we could all spend more time on los internets right?

2005-10-14T10:24:00.000-04:00

...

My two favorite blogs these days are I Keep a Diary and InkedBlog.

I Keep a Diary takes some getting used to. You feel like a weirdo voyeur, especially if you (like me) are in your 20s in NYC because you might very well run into these people. But the guy who does the site is fucking funny and so are the pictures. I can't get enough snaps of some dude putting his nuts next to another guy's face while he's napping.

As for inkedblog, I'm not all tatted up or anything, but if you are even remotely interested in tattoos, this is the blog for you. It has pictures, interviews with artists, practical information, whatever.

By the way, I Keep a Diary is NSFW -- as they say.

xoxo
Rocket Queen

...

I'm waiting till it costs 50 bucks.

2005-10-13T21:12:00.000-04:00

...

I am so sick of supply creating demand. Apple creates hysteria out of nothing as well as the fucking federal government. iPod can kiss my ass. Here is a sampling of comments from a Ultragrrrl's blog.

Suddenly my 3rd generation model is looking really ready for eBay....
Laura | 10.12.05 - 5:37 pm | # ------------------------------------------------------------------------

I knew there was a good reason why I havent yet bought an Ipod.
malatron | Homepage | 10.12.05 - 6:12 pm | # ------------------------------------------------------------------------

Some info for people with iPods:
" Major labels Sony BMG and EMI are releasing more and more new CDs that block fans from dragging their tunes to iPods."
"Musicians tell how to beat system"
Here is the site (from CNN):
http://edition.cnn.com/2005/TECH...reut/ index.html
CALLIE | 10.12.05 - 7:54 pm | # ------------------------------------------------------------------------

O
M
G
does this mean we can watch degrassi on the fucking go?!
life will never be the same again...
Gurj | Homepage | 10.12.05 - 9:15 pm | # ------------------------------------------------------------------------

portable porn...what a lucrative enterprise
sarah - let me know if you want me to come in next thursday my class canceled so I can be in a bit earlier
Lizzie | Homepage | 10.12.05 - 10:59 pm | # ------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Nobody wants to watch video on a 2 inch screen!"
Oh Steve, shows what you know.
evelyn bateman | 10.13.05 - 12:47 am | # ------------------------------------------------------------------------

That is fucking insane. I few months ago I go the 60GB iPod Photo. This is so much better.
Elise | Homepage | 10.13.05 - 4:04 am | # ------------------------------------------------------------------------

I keep waiting to buy a new one because they keep coming out with better stuff. I think they should have an email alert when they get to that point: "Dear Customer, we promise not to make any cooler shit for two years. Buy now."
~Paulo
Paulo | Homepage | 10.13.05 - 10:48 am | # ------------------------------------------------------------------------

speaking of ipod porn....there are already sites up advertising it:
http://www.kryptonitestudios.com/ipod/
Ryan97ou | Homepage | 10.13.05 - 12:43 pm | # ------------------------------------------------------------------------

i never thought i'd actually be glad i didn't buy an ipod yet.
drea | Homepage | 10.13.05 - 1:00 pm | # ------------------------------------------------------------------------

you know what's crazy... this actually costs less than i paid for my mini about a year ago!
c | 10.13.05 - 1:05 pm | # ------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sarah, better start working on the sequel to your book: "The Pocket VJ"
Although, since you're a blogger I always thought you should have named the book "Teh Pocket DJ".
jeffro | Homepage | 10.13.05 - 1:59 pm | # ------------------------------------------------------------------------

I want one!
Denise | 10.13.05 - 5:59 pm | # ------------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyhow, for some reason this new iPod pisses me off. It's not the customers, the people on this blog, it's the fucking company. I can just imagine the executives at Apple just creaming themselves about how clever they are. Sorry to get all socialist undergraduate on you, but it's just creating this society of consumer lemmings. Oh god, that's almost too annoying for me. But it's true.

Apple is so fucking arrogant. When I bought the extra warranty for my iBook, I asked what would happen in two years after the warranty expires. The CUSTOMER SERVICE OPERATOR fucking snorted at me and was like, "Well, by then I think you will want to upgrade."

Anyhow, I left that second to last comment in because I thought it was funny, even though it was off-message, as the Bush Administration would say. My emails are filled with "teh" and I've never heard anyone mention it as a "thing," so it cracks me up, and now I am all done being annoyed at Apple.

Now I am off to watch Kid n Play videos on Channel 25. Oh, snap!

...

Even A-Rod's green eyes can't save them

2005-10-12T18:06:00.000-04:00

...

As someone who pretty much only pays attention to baseball in the post-season, or when visiting Boston, I am not all informed about shit.

So today I turned to c.m. Bill and was like, "Whose fault do people think this is? Steinbrenner's, Torre's or the players'?" Bill was all "Hmmm that's a good question!" Which confused me because I assumed New Yorkers spend 90% of their time talking about this when the Yankees lose in the first round of the playoffs.

Bill ruled out Torre right away, which was okay by me. Neither of us like Steinbrenner .... me, just because his general look and demeanor pisses me off. Bill doesn't like him for unknown reasons. We decided it was the players' fault. I figure if they get paid that much money they better damn well win, right? That was pretty much the extent of my reasoning. It's embarassing when the Yankees lose. It's embarassing in the same way that the mob was embarassed when the same two people kept busting into their supper clubs and robbing them single-handedly, so to speak.

Anyhow, so I saw this article about the top ten reasons why the Yankees sucked last night which I thought was sort of interesting.

Though if you read my bizzirthday recap, you won't be surprised that I kind of resent this part:

1. Randy Johnson

He was this year's aging, insanely expensive pitcher, the one who was supposed to be the difference-maker the Yankees did not have when they fell down against the Red Sox one year ago like somebody falling off a bar stool.

...

yes!

2005-10-11T21:57:00.000-04:00

...

My dad revealed to me today that his hair went curly when he was my age. I am going to be so excited if I get curly hair -- that has been my life's dream. That and owning diamond earrings, but whatever. One thing at a time.

Also you might be interested in this blog, www.justanothersoldier.com. The blog is over and has been turned into a book but it was written by a guy who served in Iraq and is pretty interesting. I heard him on NPR today and he was talking about how soldiers often compare this war to Vietnam, as in "Well at least it's not Vietnam."

I think that whole thing is weird. I mean, my understanding was that Vietnam vets got a really hard time for serving there. And yet many people were there due to conscription. On the other hand, there is no draft (causing me to NOT support our troops) which means that "our boys" in Iraq are there mostly because they believe in this war, or -- like justanothersoldier -- don't care for politics, just like to fight, and avoid thinking about it for fear of realizing it is indeed one huge waste of human life (as justanothersoldier admitted to having thought today on NPR).

Anyhow, I guess these are again two totally unrelated topics.

nothing about me is straight anymore, I'm probably going to go lezzie on yall!

2005-10-10T21:40:00.000-04:00

...

Two things about me that are changing in my advanced age is that my hair is getting curlier and my balance is getting worse.

Sometimes I run into people in the street because I can feel myself veering off course but somehow can't correct.

Today I have been reflecting on how I threw myself out of my barstool on Saturday night, because that is really how it felt. Like a ghost pushed me or something! My knees are still sore, and black and blue. I had to buy sweatpants today to wear to Step class because I couldn't go to the gym in shorts with my knees looking like a backalley whore's. I was totally impeded in Step class, too ... my "around the world" and "repeaters" really suffered.

I decided that the fall was:
-20% booze related
-10% hooking my heels on the bottom of the chair
-and 70% crappy balance skills.

I think everyone assumed it was 90% booze related but you can't protest too much, or people are like, "Whatever, you're drunk!"

...

bizzirthday

2005-10-09T21:24:00.000-04:00

Birthday recap!

Yesterday I was supposed to meet Laura at the West 4th street station, inside since it was raining. I got to the kiosk area and an old white guy hobbled downstairs and his forehead was all bloody. Some cops tried to help him and he was all indignant and also kept calling them motherfuckers. They were like, "Oh well."

Anyhow then Laura and I walked to The Dove and it was raining bats and dogs as my mom's friend Lynne says. I was crabby when we walked to the bar because it was raining so hard and rain is the antichrist weather to me. I was worried that my hair would look bad because of the rain. I worried about it all day and even bought new Aqua Net because my old can was spraying erratically. Laura was nice because she is not as difficult as me and wasn't particularly bothered by the rain. She just chatted instead of complaining like me.

Once I got there and my hair looked ok, I was happy. The crowd was a top tier crew of fun people.

This is my second street crew. Nicole lives across the hall from me. Emily lives down the hall from me, next to Nicole. Laura lives down the street from me but used to live up the street. I love these girls. We are like college. Me and Emily and Nicole are the animal floor because Emily has a ferret named Floyd, Nicole has her kitty Coby and I of course have darling Beausoleil. Laura is very beautiful and studies Italian at Columbia. She speaks Italian to cute boys there.

These are my art historienne buddies Anne and Arden. Anne is great and always has a funny story about growing up in Kansas City. Last time I saw her in July, she told me about how her folks don't have central heating and use a wood-burning stove. Last night she told us about how she worked in a bookmaking factory during college. All the old factory ladies harassed her for being a college girl. Arden is one of my two best buddies at school and has very nice cheekbones in these pictures.

I don't know what the hell this is about. I think Nicole was behind this, directing, and must have yelled FOSSE FOSSE FOSSE! I have never posed like this before and don't intend to again. Buddy Rob was game, apparently.

I was so happy and grateful that people came out and wished I had party favors for them. The weather was so terrible and I would have stayed home myself if it hadn't been my birthday. The Dove is a very nice bar there. So nice that I drank a drink with a name all night, which I usually don't do. I had the Olympia, which was bourbon, bitters, lime juice and ginger soda. It was delish! I kept thinking of the Hole song called Olympia. "Well I went to school in Olympia. Everyone looked the same, talked the same and even fucked the same." Okay!

The downside of the evening was when I hurled myself off my barstool practically on top of Rob. That was embarassing for obvious reasons, but also because it was not because I was too drunk, it was a miscalculation of balance and high heels. But if you protest too much that you're not drunk people are like "Yeah, whatever. You're cut off." Today my knees are killing me and are all bruised. I went to the Natural History museum and felt like I was 80 years old because all that walking around made my knees just feel on fire. I might have to piggy back on Arden's boyfriend's knee surgery next week.

There was a lot of celebrating going on last night at the Dove. There were a lot of DC looking guys in buttondown shirts and khaki pants and one of them told me he just got engaged. Then when I was coming back from the restroom a guy stopped me and was all, "How do you know Gabe?" and I was like, "I don't know Gabe!" But it turns out it was Gabe's birthday so I told his buddy it was mine, too. Happiness everywhere.

You may not be surprised to hear that Nicole and the FCI boys and I closed out the bar. It was LA and Wisconsin, Detroit was not there. Wisconsin again managed to get into every single picture, and tried to make out with both me and Nicole. You may remember that he is 19.

We also got a little frisky with the doilies, as you can see. Anyhow, at the end of the night someone had stolen my prized $35 clear bubble umbrella. I was upset. The bouncer tried to pacify me by giving me and Nicole ALL the other umbrellas that were left. I took one and Nicole took five. The bouncer asked for my number and I gave it to him, and didn't even give him a fake number.

Then we cruised over to Grassroots to pick up Pete, and he gave me this teeshirt. I was very happy. That was the end of the night, we got home at 5 a.m. I missed Beausoleil a lot by then. He came out into the hall all frisky and Pete did his dog whisperer routine. Then I went into my apartment and Nicole and Pete went into hers. Voila! A superb birthday.

...

You know, people usually don't, but I actually do have some birthday reflections!

2005-10-08T17:27:00.000-04:00

Today I woke up 28 and I was very happy. The dog jumped in bed with me at 8:30 and was cute. No present from him though, or even a card, so he continues to be a deadbeat freeloader. Yesterday I was emailing with c.m. Bill and he said that he was going to insert some kind of joke about my age-- but then he realized I am (in his words) prime. Too young to be upset about getting old (though I don't think I ever will) and not ending on a 5 or 0 to make it a big deal birthday. 28 is a great number. I remember when I was 18 I thought it was the perfect age, and there is something about the ending 8 that is very nice.

The older I get the happier I am. I've been a classic twenty-something, totally lost and anxious. But as every year goes by, that lessens and my late 20s are pretty good. In my early twenties I was still very worried about things and I often drank too much. I didn't know what the hell was going on. It's not like I have it all figured out, but my life is a lot better.

This morning Nicole and I went to the gym. She gave me flowers and a York, my favorite candy. Then we had showers and went to brunch. I had 3 glasses of champagne, a big piece of bread with jam, and orchiette -- which means little ears -- with zucchini and egglplant. Our waiter was a hot teenager. The pasta was like, the best I've ever had.

Then I had a two hour nap, which is my other favorite thing to do. Now I am watching a movie and later am going out with my buddies. As Nicole would say, sexcellent!

...

d-o-double-jizzle

2005-10-07T17:50:00.000-04:00

...

Tomorrow is my birthday and yesterday my school loans arrived so I decided to celebrate by shopping. Today I went to Coach where I will not of course be spending my own money, but accumulated birthday money. Even though I was totally schleppy today, the salesgirl was so happy to show me all the ways that the strap on a particular purse that I looked at could be adjusted. Man, you only have to look for 3 seconds and they are all over you. I know Coach is kind of stodgy but I like them because they are just trendy enough to be cool, but no so trendy that you're like "Shit!" next year. Anyhow, I may be looking into something in blue suede.

Then I went to Tower. Holy sheet! This is what I got, it was an orgy:
1) Snoop Dogg's greatest hits. I had wanted more Snoop, but then you only need so much. A GH is perfect in this case.
2) 112's "Pleasure and Pain" because as my regular reader knows, I looooove me some slow gams. (see previous Jodeci entry)
3) Parliament Live - P. Funk Earth Tour. My birthday is a good time to tear the roof off the sucker.
4) Sean Paul's new album "Trinity." Shanna Paul! With the weak chin! But I love him.
5) the new Franz Ferdinand album. Their last one was songs for girls to dance to, and I read in NME that the new one is songs for girls to cry to. Oh, shit.

Then I came home and had some gingerbread cake that c.m. Bill's family made for me. This was the division of labor: Bill ordered the cake; his wife Shelley cooked it, and best of all: his 3 year old son Aidan iced it. Now, for someone like me, for whom frosting is TOP PRIORITY, having a toddler ice your cake is highly recommended. If I owned a bakery, I would hire kindergartners to ice my shit.

Anyhow, that's all. Snoop and I are going to the gym. It was high time I got new CDs. I've been listening to Bel Biv DeVoe at the gym the last couple time. That! That! That girl is dope! (MM-Hmm).

...

"actively pursuing" a difficult and unpleasant homelife with deadbeats as far away from Manhattan as possible.

2005-10-04T14:51:00.000-04:00

...

My mom and I have this joke about a friend of hers who recently described herself as "success-oriented." My mom and I were like, "yeah, well I for one am TOTALLY failure-oriented."

What an obnoxious way to describe yourself right? Since Friendster and internet stuff like that, it has been bugging me how people manage to describe themselves in ways that make them seem as unoriginal and boring as possible. Like, who doesn't enjoy reading, traveling, hanging out with friends, great conversation and a nice glass of wine?

With this in mind, I present to you this really annoying "apartment wanted" post from Craigslist.* I hate this person.

Hi,

I am looking for a chill apt share starting Nov 1st. Looking to live in a fun, safe neighboorhood, close to a train and easy access to Manhattan.

A bit about me - late 20's female. Financially stable. I work a lot (music industry), but I also have lots of other interests and like to keep busy - mostly creative interests - dance, writing, love to go hear good music or see cool shows. Try to be healthy in my lifestyle, i.e. exercise and eat good organic food. Overall, I am an ambitious person who actively pursues what I want in life. Because I usually have a lot going on, I really like a clean cozy home where I know I can chill out and unwind, read a book, watch a movie, cook good food, etc. Will do my part on an ongoing basis to keep the place clean and make it feel like home. I don't mind company and can be a pretty social person, (meaning - I like meeting people and get along with a lot of different types) but also like my own space and quite time. I am considerate and thoughtful about the personal space of others. I am very independent, but also want a comfortable home atmosphere - possibly share a meal, a beer, or just some good conversation from time to time. If you are politically conservative we probably aren't a great match. Let's see - what else? Communication is key for me. Don't have pets but I usually like other people's. Non smoker. Prolly most compatible with someone in their mid 20's- mid 30's, creative, laid back but actively pursuing what matters to you in life.

Please email me if you'd think we'd be a good match.

Thx and good luck w/ your search!

------
* I have an exam to study for, which is why I am reading Craigslist housing posts, considering I am neither moving nor offering space.

Clorox, get new advertising

2005-10-04T14:01:00.000-04:00

...

Every so often I look at Sitemeter to see what the "referral pages" are for people who look at my blog and also the details of my viewers, which actually doesn't tell me anything. Many referral pages are Google or Yahoo searches for the Clorox Bath Wand, whose commercial (if not the actual product itself) I reviewed in this space several months ago. You would probably be surprised how often people Google Clorox Bath Wand. I wonder if I have prevented anyone from buying it. I almost never look at the viewer "details" because it doesn't tell much. Just whatever is after the "@" in most of my viewers' location. But I did notice today a "clorox.com" viewer. Ha!

...

weekend

2005-10-04T13:36:00.000-04:00

This past weekend I went home to DC to visit my folks. I took Beausoleil to Christ Church to get him blessed. Early October is pet-blessing time, in honor of the feast of St. Francis, who is Beausoleil's middle-namesake. Anyhow, I don't go to church, and neither does my mom, but she is buddies with lots of people at Christ Church. Her buddy Judith is the rector there. I was hoping she would do the blessing but it was this other guy instead, who was very nice anyhow. My dad says Judith calls him Boy Wonder. His real name is Dogget. Ha!

Anyhow, even though I am not a religious person, I do like taking time out to consider how special Beausoleil is. This was our second year doing the blessing. The dog tried to hump one of the other dogs before the blessing which was embarassing since we were at church and all. Dummy doggie.

Anyhow other than that we just messed around. We went to visit my mom's friend who had an aneurysm in Alaska a few weeks ago. The friend ate a roast beef with horseradish sandwich while we were there, which reminded me how much I like roast beef with horseradish.

DC is a very conservative city and everyone looks the same. It's not conservative politically, but culturally and aesthetically. That bugs me, but it is also prettier than NY which I like. Also I can walk the dog in the morning and only see one or two other people and I practically don't even have to wake up. It's not like here, where it's all about people and cars and garbage all the time.

Also, we saw "Proof" which I liked a lot. My dad was all, "That Jake Gyllenhaal didn't impress me." Ha!

...

not to her face or anything

2005-10-03T16:17:00.000-04:00

...

My mom called Natalie Portman an asshole this weekend.
Ha!

...

Dude, you should do something about that.

2005-09-29T15:21:00.000-04:00

...

One of my professors is Australian by birth, though he lives and works here and has for a long time, and is married to an American. But he does sometimes say things like, "Well I am not an American, but what are the rest of you doing about this?"

By "this" he means the horrendous state of things in America. He is always talking about how appalled he is that the so-called left (meaning, in the U.S., the democrats) isn't doing anything to stop the Bush administration. By extension, he blames all of us. Except for maybe one girl who is a true activist and organizes unions and marches in D.C. and everything.

He is pretty cavalier with his questions and accusations, but it is a troubling matter. Everyone I know hates what is happening in this country and what we are doing abroad. A lot of people hate it. We are not lazy people, but he's right. Why do we allow it to continue?

There are two problems are far as I can see. The first is that we don't know what "it" is. The problem is not just George Bush. It's not just because of George Bush that all of a sudden we have a nice euphamism for creationists and these people actually have a voice. That is one of six million problems, and they are indicative of a larger swarm of complications relating to ideology, technology and history. I blame a lot on George Bush but even the leader of the free world (haha) is not that powerful. I have said it before but I'll say it again: I really believe that we are in the middle of something powerful and major. It is something that will probably later have a name like "the industrial revolution" or "the enlightenment" or "the cold war." We just don't know it because we are so IN IT and we have no perspective.

My professor implied that we are lazy and apathetic but I don't think that's it. I think that trying to change things is like chasing monsters in the dark with a plastic sword. We don't know what the fuck we are going after or how to do it, and we can't see a damn thing. We're just stabbing aimlessly.

I think the second problem is that because we don't know what's going on, and because we don't know what we're doing, all the old models don't apply. In the 60s you fought the government, the man, so to speak. So you protested. In a world when just having a voice was powerful, marches and protests were a very effective way of creating change. Protests and marches are antiquated and do not address what is going on. In fact, even the government is not affected because there is absolutely no sense of accountability with this administration. Even Nixon took pains to hide his corruption, and when it was exposed, people cared. That is not the case now. Bush is exposed every day, and on and on it goes.

So I don't think that we should just stop trying, but I don't think it's as simple as "What's wrong with you people? Why don't you do something?"

To him I would pose the counter-question: "something about WHAT?" I challenge anyone to name our problem within the space of even a short paragraph. I say that first because I don't think anyone can, but secondly IF they can, it might be very helpful to us all.

Now come up with a solution. Hm...

...

Too much HBO

2005-09-29T14:33:00.000-04:00

...

My mom keeps using the word "cocksucker" which is very unnerving.
Even more so than when she learned (and used) the expression "that sucks my nuts" from the Sopranos.

...

What's yours?

2005-09-27T19:21:00.000-04:00

Today I decided that my favorite song is "Jenny" by the Killers.

One favorite song, and that is it. I know it's a bold position, to have ONE favorite song, and especially when it's by some glammy west side pop band. It doesn't have the artfulness of some of my other runner-ups, like "Ten Years Gone" by Led Zeppelin, but nevertheless, it is what it is.

First of all, the opening bass line immediately -- and I am talking IM-ME-DEE-AT-LY -- transports me back to The Best Day of My Life, also known as August 14, 2004, when I saw the Killers at Bowery Ballroom. My regular reader already knows what The Best Day of My Life was, but whatever.*

When I was a kid, I discovered that a nice way to feel calm and happy (and sleepy when I couldn't sleep) was to picture something very fun and satisfying. When I was small, I pictured myself playing soccer and scoring a goal. Now I picture how happy I was at the Killers show.

Anyhow, "Jenny" is such a fantastic, compelling song. Just the opening bassline makes me crazy. As it goes on, I get amped up into a fever pitch. Then, at the end Brandon Flowers launches into his white hot keyboard solo that just puts me over the edge. That solo makes you want to bust out your best dance moves. And if you don't have best dance moves, it makes you want to get some, quick. Who knew a keyboard solo could make you want to fuck? God.

----------
*This is of course excluding all meaningful days like when I adopted Beausoleil or my godson was born, etc.

...

if it's not Italian it's crap

2005-09-27T16:59:00.000-04:00

Today I received an article through e-mail about how in the 80s and 90s the Getty in Los Angeles knowingly bought a lot of looted Italian art.

The article is really long and I only read about 1/3 of it. There is interesting stuff in the sidebar though: you can read handwritten notes to the effect of "pros and cons of buying stolen art" and letters from the Getty to some guy named Medici (heh) going, "What did you say the provenance of this kouros with dirt still on it was again?"

I am making light, of course, because art history needs light. But these are the basic ideas.

My favorite part of the article is when the museum is personified as a punk-ass young man. I picture the human equivalent of the museum as being some Wall Street dickhead in a pinstripe suit.

Anyhow, oh my god! Wouldn't it be like, SO INTERESTING if people cared (this much) about looted art from "non-Western"
continents? I know, right!

...

Quarter Century Fuck

2005-09-25T16:19:00.000-04:00

Saturday was my best girl Nicole's birthday. She is now a QCF and we had a wicked good time celebrating at the Magician. I met up with Pete, her boyfriend, and some guy named Steve at Grassroots and had a $2 Bud Light. Then we went over to the Magician and scored a table in the front. Nicole just started at the Frech Culinary Institute and had class until 10:45 p.m.. Yes, on a Saturday. Pete and Some Guy Steve and I held it down till she got there at 11:30. It was a mixed crowd but everybody got along except for 2 chicks who had hooked up in the past and one's a lezzie and one's not, so you know how that goes. They stayed in their corners and everything was cool.

Anyhow, Nicole came after class with her knife case. This is a black case with a strap that unhooks, unfolds and unzips to reveal some fucking shiny, sharp knives. It is just about the coolest thing ever. Hope she doesn't get her bag checked in the subway, because her ass would probably get sent off to Guantanamo with all that. It was Pete's job to guard the knives.

Yall probably know that I like to take a picture right in the beginning of the night, while everyone can still open their eyes and the lip gloss is shinin'.

This is Nicole and Pete up to some funny business. Look how funny.

This is Annie getting totally cruised by FCI Boy Detroit. Earlier in the night he was talking about how back in Detroit he used to be a boxer and one time had to fight a woman. Apparently if you are a nice dude like Detroit, you don't punch a woman the same way you do a man, even if you're the same weight and she's 6 feet tall. I couldn't decide how I felt about that. Partially because it was a tricky question and partially because it was Saturday night at the Magician.

This is me fielding a call at 3:30 a.m., which only means trouble.

The birthday bitch with the FCI Boyz. From left to right: Wisconsin, LA and Detroit. Wisconsin was only 19 for christ's sake. I can't remember the last time I talked to someone under the age of 24. Not counting neighborhood kids and people like that.

Et c'est ca!

....

two totally unrelated ideas

2005-09-23T18:40:00.000-04:00

For art history buddies: there is a review of my arch enemies' (the October Group) 2004 book ART SINCE 1900 in the September ArtForum. They point out that of the 107 essays in the book, all but two were written by Foster, Buchloh, Bois and Krauss. The other two? Written by the mysterious "A.D." who is never identified. The topic of the 2 essays? The Harlem Renaissance and the Mexican Muralists, featuring such illuminating statements to the effect of: The 1920s in Harlem were a vibrant time. Paraphrased, but that's the basic idea. Compared to the blowhard baloney that we can expect from the Octobers, what might one conclude from all this?

Yep.

In other news, I got my birthday present from Amy-Louise 2 weeks early:

My girl knows that there is nothing, nothing, nothing in the world like a whole CD full of Quality Slow Jams. Oh god. I am so happy. As it says in the liner notes: "can't nobody fuck with Jodeci."

Can you imagine Rosalind Krauss vs. Jodeci? Ha!
I think I am just writing to myself right now. Nobody cares about this.

...

Glittering Superstar Unicorn of Peace

2005-09-21T16:26:00.000-04:00

...

I think many of us have spent a lot of time discussing Michael Jackson in the last few years. Much of it is of the "what the fuck?" variety regarding his freakishness and all that.

For me, beyond that was also this confusing sense of betrayal. Beyond all the usual jokes, and on a weirdly serious note, Michael Jackson (as a concept if not an actual human being, which is probably part of the problem) was a huge part of my childhood. I couldn't understand how someone who was so deeply important to me as an 8 year old could have turned out...like this.

I can never really put my finger on my true feelings though, and I rarely hear anything really fresh or insightful about him. But today I read an essay by Wendy McClure in BUST magazine that really hit the nail on the head. Behold the best part:

"When Michael started showing up places escorting both Brooke Shields and the little kid who played Webster on TV, it appeared as if he was filing for an official exemption-from-sex on the basis of being just so darn MAGICAL. Instead of settling for a clean-shaven, watered-down, pretty-pop-boy heterosexual-by-default status, he veered off into a weird new territory and established himself as some kind of rarefied creature, the Glittering Superstar Unicorn of Peace, who could only consort with other exotic beings such as the Ivy League Virgin Supermodel, the Adorable Miniature Sitcom Boy, and an assortment of bedazzled live animals."

...

I'm serious! Seriously!

2005-09-20T21:53:00.000-04:00

...

If you people know what is good for you, you will click on this link and laugh your ass off.

...

Between 6:00 and 9:00 p.m.

2005-09-20T21:18:00.000-04:00

Today I cruised by the Commerce Bank construction site and snapped some pics. Yesterday they had this great big crane and also put up the frame of the building. I see they are wasting lots of space.

Then I went and did my co-op shift. I love it there. If my art history PhD doesn't pan out, I want to be on staff at the co-op. I am always very happy and also especially witty for some reason. I am really very fabulous there. Anyhow, this is the view from my vantage point as a Fabulous Cashier.

...

though I don't often see baby doll dresses

2005-09-20T15:49:00.000-04:00

I thought this was super interesting, from Greg the Boyfriend:

-------------------------------
A paraphrased thought from a friend:

"Whenever I come to Williamsburg and I see the girls in baby doll dress, boys in polo shirts like the ones they wore in kindergarten, playing kickball in the park, and co-opting the kitchy aesthetic of their own youth with more sincerety than irony, I can't help but wonder, did our generation have the greatest childhood ever? One so good that we never want it to end. Or one so bad that we feel the need to try to do it again the right way?"

My guess is one that was too damn easy, or one where the only thing greater than the pleasures of our youth was our sense of entitlement and the feeling that we deserved even more.

I remember when this street was full of Ferrarris

2005-09-20T14:09:00.000-04:00

Everyone loves when firetrucks come by. Especially when there's no fire and you don't have to worry that people got hurt or whatever.

keep your articles off my body

2005-09-20T11:26:00.000-04:00

There is this redick little article in the Times today about girls who get fabulous degrees at fancy schools and also plan to be stay-at-home moms. One such nymph is Emily Lechner from Potomac, MD. Speaking as someone from D.C. who knows Potomac, it is a special place. Special in an Emily Lechner kind of way. Isn't she delightful? Do you think she worried about how her thighs looked in that picture? Considering that according to the Times, eating disorders are the "mainstream," even for "blacks," probably so. Man, I remember back before eating disorders sold out and got all mainstream. When I first started getting into them, they were all indie and shit. Nobody knew about it. Now, it's like, everywhere I go. These fucking kids in the mall and everything.

What? Oh-- anyway.

Anyhow, I hate this article. I hate it because I hate being analyzed. I hate "trends" in how people live their lives. I am 27 and single and prefer dogs to kids so I am no expert, but even a numnuts like me has already realized THERE IS NO ANSWER. There is no good way to raise kids and have a fulfilling career. You will fail a little bit at each. Or if you choose only one, you will fail a little bit at that, too. Even Emily Lechner. It's just how it is: people do what they do. It's ok! You get a job, you stay home, whatever.

But what I resent MOST is the 2nd wavers feeling all resentful that Emily Lechner is ostensibly pissing away what they worked so hard to give us. I think a nice lesson from feminism is: we get to choose. Not: we HAVE to work. Or: we HAVE to stay home. Having a fucking choice is what it means to be free.

So screw you, Marilyn McGrath Lewis, director of undergraduate admissions for Harvard, who said, "It really does raise this question for all of us and for the country: when we work so hard to open academics and other opportunities for women, what kind of return do we expect to get for that?"

Anyhow, click on the link for the whole hateful article. I have to go home and eat lunch and photograph my favorite construction site. And you've probably heard enough from me anyhow.

"famous" in the absolute loosest sense of the word

2005-09-18T14:34:00.000-04:00

My friend Elizabeth wants to be famous, and specifically requested that I post this picture of her nuzzling my hair. Little did she know she was getting a facefull of Rave Spray Gel and Citre Shine Chunking Creme.

Why is it that dudes need only put on a Banana Republic shirt to look good, and I have all this baloney in my hair?

I am still thinking of going 80s and getting layers and wearing it wavy. Big hair. Not big bangs. I am going to start tossing it all to the side and looking out coyly from beneath my waves of highlighted curls in photographs.

I would have been so excited is self-proclaimed car show king Funkmaster Flex was there

2005-09-18T13:59:00.000-04:00

So I went out at 7 this morning and photographed Chino/Edwin's memorial. Then I went back to sleep because my sad self was hungover. When I sprang from my bed at noon, fresh as a flower, I went to take Beausoleil out and lo, there was a damn car show happening on 5th avenue at 1st street!

I didn't get there with my camera till folks were leaving (I heard one guy in a yellow Maserati asking directions back to Long Island. Indeed.) but there was still some good stuff.

I was hoping for more Gotti Jr. hair but all I got was this.

That's okay though, because Gotti junior hair makes me want to kill myself .
The cars were mostly red and yellow and very glinty in the sun.

My favorite was the red Ferrarri with "ferrarri" on the license plate. The only downside was no chicks in bikinis but maybe they only do that in LA. You may not be surprised to hear I don't know much about car shows except what I learn on 1st street.

Chino

2005-09-18T11:57:00.000-04:00

The flowers are getting wilty, so I figured I had better get myself out to 1st street with my camera. Here is the tribute to Chino, who was a great man and protected people even if they didn't know it (so says the typed poem).

The yellow arrangement says 4SB as it also does on the brown paper message board. I want to know what that is. As Snoop said, "if ya don't know, betta ask somebody" but I'm not sure that applies to all situations.

You will alway's be in my pray's. Ehh..

Because let it be said: in DC, our thugs are certainly not homos!

2005-09-17T19:38:00.000-04:00

...

My mom's new favorite expression is "homo thug on the down low" which she learned about both under my tutelage and by watching a lot of HBO (especially the Wire -- her favorite chracter is Omar, for those of you who watch).

Anyhow, I had told her how on ads for the Wednesday morning call-in show on Power 105 they're all "Are you a homo thug tired of living on the down low?" So we were talking about it and she was like, "well I don't think they have homo thugs in D.C.," and I was like please, as if Baltimore (the Wire) and NYC are more enlightened than D.C. I was like, how would you even know? The point is that you can't tell. We are both big fans of the show Queer as Folk and she always jokes that they don't have gay people in Pittsburgh, her home town, either. Haha.

So anyhow, I was like, this down low shit is everywhere, they even have books about it. I shouldn't have said anything-- she'll probably start reading them. Anyhow, I looked on Amason to see what I was talking about, because I only know vaguely of these books. So I found:

Anyhow, apparently this prison romance novel addresses not only HTotDL, but transgenerdness as well. But the funniest part is that there is a character named "half a dollar" and a "gangsta unit" who I guess are also HTotDL:

Ha!

Hot Bald Guys Club

2005-09-16T20:43:00.000-04:00

I nominate Paul Ben Victor to the Hot Bald Guys club.

Other members: Ed Harris, Stanley Tucci for example.
Part-time member representing for the hot, fat bald guys: James Gandolfini.
Not a fucking member: Michael Chertoff (see below)

Anyhow, Paul Ben Victor plays Spiros "Vondas" Vondopolous on The Wire on HBO, one of the best fucking shows ever.

Nothing deep here, but I got tired of death-talk. And I haven't gotten to the bottom of Chino Mania and didn't want to bore you with my obsession with construction sites, so.

Later, dudes!

....

and a partridge in a pear tree

2005-09-16T11:28:00.000-04:00

Bill Maher to George Bush:

"On your watch, we've lost almost all of our allies, the surplus, four airliners, two trade centers, a piece of the Pentagon and the City of New Orleans."

...

Michael Chertoff

2005-09-15T08:16:00.000-04:00

...

Doesn't this guy totally fucking freak you out?

For once, I am not talking about Bushface.

all before 8 a.m.

2005-09-15T08:09:00.000-04:00

This morning on our walk, Beausoleil and I met a little baby (maybe 2 and a half or 3) with his dad who wanted to pet Beausoleil. He patted the dog on his back and barked at him ("arf! arf!") and Frank just stood there all docile and calm. He never does that. Good boy. I felt like I was supposed to be swooning over the cuteness of the child, but actually I was beaming over my dog's composure. Smile, smile, smile. Then some lady passed by and said the whole scene (the baby petting my dog) was picture perfect. I actually wasn't in the mood to be picture perfect cute this morning but sometimes things happen that you can't control.

I swear that baby wanted to pet Frank forever though. The dad was all, "Come on Joseph," (biblical names are BIG in park slope. If I had a buck for all the Jonas Josephs and Isaacs...) but then didn't make a move. Like I am trying to stand there all day smiling like an asshole over the preciousness of babies. I was like, "Dude, Broseph, let's go now." The dad was nice though.

Then we passed a rig parked outside the Co-op. There was a small dog (Shih Tzu maybe) in the cab of the truck which went batshit when Beausoleil passed by. Turned out the driver was what enlightened folks like me call a LADY DRIVER who was holding up her phone to the cab letting someone hear the dog going nuts and yukking it up. It's funny what some people think is cute with their own pets.

...

Sorry.

2005-09-14T21:57:00.000-04:00

...

Today my Photography professor accused us all of being naive because we are still shocked and emotional about pictures of the My Lai massacre. (By the way, did you know Colin Powell was allegedly involved in that). His remark related to the idea that we should expect these things from war. For example, he said that when Bushface said we're going to war in Iraq, he expected Abu Ghraib to happen. It's war. I see what he means but there is some weird disconnect there between rationality and humanity and he is somewhat lacking in the humanity.

He said that when we look at these pictures we think of Nixon's horrible policies and the atrocities of war, but not as these people as individuals. I was like "Hold the phone, buddy, don't speak for me because I do not think those things at all!"

If I see pictures of dead babies, I think of those dead babies, not Nixon.

Anyhow, a few other people piped up too, then. He is crazy! I can't tell if he is just a cold-hearted S.O.B., overly cynical after decades in academia...thinking more than feeling...or what. Or maybe it is a male/female thing. It was a weird class.

I debated whether to put this image up or just link to it.

Life is so fucking fun lately

2005-09-13T22:15:00.000-04:00

I just saw a story on the news about a car that broke down and stopped on the Tappanzee bridge. A trailer hit the car and both burst into flames. The driver of the car was killed instantly -- the passenger wasn't, but he caught on fire. He got out of the car and jumped off the bridge into the river, was fished out, and is alive! This all happened in daylight and traffic is STILL backed up (now it is 10:00 p.m.). Isn't that the most amazing story? Jesus. They have rescue workers saying it is the worst accident they have ever seen. Of course. I mean wouldn't it be just in keeping with everything to have some horrible dramatic shit happen?

Oh, and by the way-- I think hell must have frozen over since Bushface accepted responsibility for Katrina failures. Wha?

...

Chino Mania continues

2005-09-13T19:37:00.000-04:00

So there are a million people in my neighborhood with Chino teeshirts. Holy crap. Plus there are a ton of SUVs with RIP CHINO written on the windows. Then, when I was leaving the gym there was one of these SUVs pulled over on 9th street with a cop car blocking it and another cop car behind. There was some noisy girl at the wheel, yelling to some guy named Ron about a faggot. That word sucks, but that's what she said. She was pretty ballsy because she was doing all this shouting over the shoulder of the copper standing at her window, trying to talk to her. A bunch of people were standing around gawking, and I wanted to also, but I didn't.

Anyhow, it is becoming clear to me that I have to get to the bottom of this Chino business but I can't find anything in the Dailey News or the Post about any shootings or anything in Park Slope. There is a lot of other nasty crime going on in the city today, though, I learned.

It is also becoming clear that if I am going to photograph Chino's memorial I'll have to take care.

chipper people: look elsewhere

2005-09-13T11:12:00.000-04:00

If you're in the mood for something other than a lot of sad stuff about death, go for death millions of years ago.

So many horrible things are happening. With the backdrop of 9-11's 4th anniversary, the atrocities in New Orleans and the Oval Office, and all the other horrible events like in Iraq and Darfur, I know so many sick and dying people. My friend Bill's mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's last month AND had a heart attack; his wife has TWO sisters with Cancer (one with breast, that spread to the lymph nodes); my best friend's mother had surgery for Endriometrial cancer last week; my boss lost a close friend to lung disease last Friday and my mom's best friend suffered TWO Aneurysms while travelling in Alaska yesterday.

Meanwhile, I think someone must have gotten shot over on 1st street in my neighborhood. There were a whole lot of people collected on the
corner all weekend and I couldn't figure out why, because it didn't look like a party. The only reason I thought that is because there were three separate block parties this weekend, one with a sad looking horse.

Today there is a great display on the fence, which is covered in square, flat hanging
floral arrangements spelling out words that I don't get the significance of.

Then there are the words RIP and CHINO spelled out in balloons like you would use for balloon animals. Next to that they have paper up here people have written
messages.

A bunch of guys were standing around in matching black teeshirts with the picture of the deceased on it. This seems to be an increasingly popular memorial custom
in NYC (and DC, says my mom). I want to take a picture but I don't want to offend anyone. Maybe at the crack tomorrow morning when I am walking Beausoleil.

2005-09-12T15:17:00.000-04:00

This is a tattoo

2005-09-12T09:59:00.000-04:00

...

And possibly the funniest shit I have ever seen.

from inkedblog

If I had this I would do it all the time and everyone would get sick of it and I would have no friends. I would need a revolving door of new friends so it would always be fresh.

...

"Now my mom pimps a Ac' with minks on her back"

2005-09-10T14:00:00.000-04:00

Voletta Wallace (Biggie Smalls's mom) wrote a book in which she accuses Diddy and Lil Kim of profitting from her son's murder.* I hadn't really thought about that before, but it seems so obvious now. I don't doubt that Diddy loved Big, but his flagrant memorializing for years since his death smells more like mythologizing than true reverence. The Notorious B.I.G. has been dead far longer than he was famous at this point. He is now more symbol than anything else, as many people who die during their prime become. Wallace's accusation is interesting to me not in the gossip sense, but because it makes me think about a few different things.

The first is, had B.I.G. lived, would he have been the living patron saint of New York hip hop that he is now? Or would he have gone on to be just one of a bunch of east coast rappers, battling Jay-Z for number one hits?

Secondly, and I know this is blasphemous in certain circles, but does he really deserve to be martyred the way he has been? His vocal style was for sure amazing, dirty and raw with the sharpness of a dog's bark or popping balloons. But the power of what-might-have-been is sometimes more persuasive than what-actually-was.

Also, what about Diddy? Whatever your feelings about him, he is a businessman. I would argue that in that respect he is very, very smart. But he has sacrificed creativity and taste at times, for his single-sighted ambition. I wonder what the intersection of his love for Big and his business sense is. I don't know much about Diddy's childhood, but Biggie was pure street, whereas Diddy was a Howard college student commuting by Amtrak to his industry internships in New York City. I wonder what that contributes too, because while there were those differences, Biggie was a businessman too.

That's all for now; I have nothing to say about Lil Kim, she is ridiculous. Biggie's mom is a very interesting woman though (as is Tupac's for that matter) and worthy of some attention.

__________
*as yet unsolved -- Bush is not the only one who doesn't care about black people

God, I love the Daily News

2005-09-10T11:18:00.000-04:00

From today's article about horse-whisperer Michael Brown:

Announcing the removal of FEMA chief Michael Brown from direct involvement in hurricane relief operations, Homeland Security boss Michael Chertoff said: "Michael Brown has done everything he possibly could to coordinate the federal response to this unprecedented challenge." That's like saying, "SpongeBob SquarePants did everything he possibly could to master quantum physics." He just failed miserably.

Maybe Natalie Holloway is also at On The Spot!

2005-09-09T16:18:00.000-04:00

...

I know that is a tasteless joke, but I am feeling peeved today. Here's the weirdest news story I have seen in awhile from the Daily News.
____________________
I was hostage, sez missing Queens girl

By WARREN WOODBERRY JR.
DAILY NEWS STAFF WRITER

An 18-year-old Queens woman who returned home this week after being missing 25 days spent that time as a hostage forced to work in a Brooklyn clothing store, her mother said yesterday.

Shamika Chambers-Glave, who disappeared Aug. 15 after being sent by her mother on an errand to a local pharmacy near their home on 102nd Ave. in St. Albans, returned home on Labor Day.

Shamika's adoptive mother, Patricia Glave, 47, told the Daily News that her daughter said she was walking on Linden Blvd. when she was approached by an unidentified woman. The teen said the woman offered her a cashier's job at On the Spot, a shop on Kings Highway in Brooklyn.

According to Shamika, Glave said, the woman and her boyfriend refused to let the teen go after her first day of work and made her sleep at their nearby apartment.

Finally, Glave said, Shamika was able to sneak out of the couple's apartment as they slept and made her way back to St. Albans via subway, arriving Monday.

"She came with a lot of different clothes. She came with her nails done, and her hair braided and stuff like that," Glave said. "What do I think of her story? I have to believe what she says. I'm happy she's home."

Missing child posters had been posted throughout the neighborhood and on the door of Neeb Pharmacy, where Shamika was headed to buy hair pomade on the day she disappeared. Members of the church the family attends had scoured the neighborhood for clues, and detectives at the 113th Precinct had opened a missing person file.

Shamika's disappearance isn't the first time the teen made headlines. In 1994, she was struck by a traffic agent's car as he pulled around a stopped school bus. Shamika suffered severe brain damage and has since had difficulty making decisions. Glave said that lingering condition allows the teen to be easily influenced by others.

"I can't keep her locked up," said Glave. "As far as her running errands is concerned, I'm not sure [if she'll go out alone again], but she has to be out there for school."

A police source close to the case said investigators believe no foul play was involved.

Shamika, a 12th-grader at August Martin High School, started classes yesterday

Shamika was adopted by Glave, her aunt, in 1998 and lives with her brothers Dwayne, 16, and Ricky, 17.

Bush fishes, ruins country

2005-09-09T14:51:00.000-04:00

from my mom

from dailykos

...

C-Ya C.J.

2005-09-08T19:36:00.000-04:00

A girl I work with is leaving the company tomorrow. Today I stopped by her cubicle (my mom calls them cubbies) and had a long chat with her. Then I wished I had done that every day for the last 3 years that I have known her. Sometimes I can be sort of standoffish and I didn't bother to get to know her better, and I regret it.

I hate that!

...

Conde on her Aste

2005-09-08T18:57:00.000-04:00

I think I may be the only person I know who reads Vogue, so maybe this means nothing to you. But Cityrag reports that Anna Wintour fell out of her damn seat at the U.S. Open. This is like the fucking Queen of England falling out of her seat.

Which reminds me, remember that time when George Bush Sr. passed out at a dinner with a bunch of Japanese guys and slid under the table? That was funny. Almost as funny as it would be if Cheney dropped dead in Louisiana. If I were Barbara Bush, I would probably say that he'd be better off since he's a fat sack of shit anyhow.

Luckily, unlike Babs Bush, I am a lady. So I would not say that.
...

I never say things like this because I don't wish death on anyone not even The Administration but...

2005-09-08T15:16:00.000-04:00

So I see Cheney hauled his fat ass down to the Gulf. I hope he has a heart attack on a pile of rubble and there are no ambulances to save him.

I think the lemonade kids are jealous of the drug dealers on the same corner

2005-09-06T19:40:00.000-04:00

The kids in my neighborhood are very entrepreneurial. Lemonade stands are everywhere during the summer. There is one particular corner a block away from me where the kids don't just save it for Saturday and Sunday. Oh no, they're there every goddamn day. And they don't sort of holler "lemonade!" in your general direction. They get up out of their chairs and march right up to you, look you in the eye, and ask if you would like to buy some. You know, like 40 times a day.

Anyhow, I was coming home from the gym tonight and this kid was sitting on the corner and asked me if I wanted to buy his basketball. I said no, not really, but why was he trying to sell it? He said some kids kept taking his lunch money at school. I was like, man that sucks, did you tell your mom and dad? And he was all, yeah, they said to get some more money so I'm trying to sell my basketball.

Little kids are such con artists, I swear to god. I was like, well, good luck with that.

F. Bean LoCo has something to say

2005-09-06T10:33:00.000-04:00

...and it's "take a brush to that hair at least, for chrissakes!"

---
In her first public interview -- given to Teen Vogue -- 13-year-old Frances Bean Cobain displays more poise than her mom has in a lifetime of court appearances. "I'm a different person," she says. "I don't want to be titled as Courtney Love and Kurt Cobain's daughter. I want to be thought of as Frances Cobain." She's also got a cleaner fashion sense -- "I don't like to look sloppy. I'm a girly-girl" -- and an almost eerily distanced take on her mom's look: "I prefer when she's more 'classy starlet.' I don't really like her hard-metal stuff, or when she doesn't brush her hair."
(from the Daily News and Salon)

Notice a pattern?

2005-09-04T15:05:00.000-04:00

...

Here are the most e-mailed stories from the last 24 hours on the NYT:

1. Maureen Dowd: United States of Shame
2. Frank Rich: Falluja Floods the Superdome
3. David Brooks: The Bursting Point
4. Paul Krugman: A Can't-Do Government
5. Op-Ed Contributor: Do You Know What It Means to Lose New Orleans?

...

Kanye Appreciation Day

2005-09-03T11:51:00.000-04:00

You all probably heard this already but I had to put it down anyhow. From the NY Post:
---------------
It began, fittingly enough, with jazz from New Orleans natives Harry Connick Jr. and Wynton Marsalis. But "A Concert for Hurricane Relief," a heartfelt and dignified benefit aired on NBC and other networks Friday night, took an unexpected turn thanks to the outspoken rapper Kanye West.

Appearing two-thirds through the program, he claimed "George Bush doesn't care about black people" and said America is set up "to help the poor, the black people, the less well-off as slow as possible."

Comedian Mike Myers was paired with West for a 90-second segment that began with Myers speaking of Katrina's devastation. Then, to Myers' evident surprise, West began a rant by saying, "I hate the way they portray us in the media. If you see a black family, it says they're looting. See a white family, it says they're looking for food."

While allowing that "the Red Cross is doing everything they can," West - who delivered an emotional outburst at the American Music Awards after he was snubbed for an award - declared that government authorities are intentionally dragging their feet on aid to the Gulf Coast. Without getting specific, he added, "They've given them permission to go down and shoot us."

After he stated, "George Bush doesn't care about black people," the camera cut away to comedian Chris Tucker.
---------------

I feel commentary is not really necessary here. You get it. Truth-speaking just makes my heart race.

UPDATE: I heard a tape of it on the radio and it was awesome. He sounded really nervous which was interesting. He said his piece, and then Mike Myers chimed in on cue. When he was done, Kanye was like, "Bush hates black people!" It was funny because they write these things like a dialogue but if one person strays and the other doesn't, it sounds so out-of-sync which is hilarious.

Anyhow, this story is sort of funny and sort of scandalous, but I think it is important for more than just so-called entertainment news. It is so incredibly rare that anyone goes off-script, that it is terribly exciting when someone actually calls it like it is. We have spent 5 years pretending like things are other than they are, which is the M.O. of this administration, and it's such a relief when someone on TV actually says the things for real, raw and dirty.

I wish I had saved that picture of Diddy wearing the "I AM THE AMERICAN DREAM" shirt to post here. It would be a nice complement.

UPDATE#2: Ok, I am officially obsessed with this whole thing. It is so deep and the shit is really hitting the fan. The fact that Kanye was censored for the west coast broadcast just goes to show that our country's greatest fear is still the truth of a black man or woman. Our greatest fear should be George Bush. There is absolutely no way that an individual or a nation can address it's problems without admitting them first. The U.S. will ALWAYS be racist until people are allowed to say what Kanye did-- and say it in major venues, not teeny ones like this that no one reads. It's like recovering from alcoholism: the first step is to admit you have a problem. It's such a simple concept. Why are we so afraid? We know our history. We know that slavery existed, we know in our hearts that what Kanye said was true. He wasn't even all that outlandish. What was outlandish was the loss of control, if only for a moment.
..

I miss 90210

2005-09-02T20:13:00.000-04:00

I just saw Luke Perry on "What I Like About You" and I realized I miss 90210, especially Dylan. I liked him best. Amy-Louise liked Brandon, which was weird since he was such a pussy and was always wearing basketball shoes with khaki shorts and a shirt tucked in. I think he reminded her of someone else.

Anyhow, I miss that hair too. There were these two wonderboys in my high school named Gareth and Ned (I know-- whatever) who were best friends and had perfect Brandon and Dylan hair. It was so mesmerizing. There was a profile shot of Gareth in the yearbook where you could linger over his perfectly trimmed sideburns, and all the other wonderful parts of the 90210 haircut that I am not sure are identifiable by name. You know, the sides and best yet, the thing that happens right above the forehead. I won't deny that I lingered the hell over that picture.

I know, you are probably thinking of Christian from "Clueless:" "Is this leather jacket James Dean or Jason Priestly?" I understand all that but I am a 90s girl and Dylan was where it was at for me. Even when I was all goth-ed out or Nirvana-obsessing in high school. Even when I claimed I watched 90210 "just to make fun of it." What a crock.

Anyhow you may be wondering whatever happened to Gareth and Ned. I don't know. I wonder what their hair looks like now. They were the sort of guys that really looked like they could only exist during the mid-90s 90210 hysteria, so they probably don't exist anymore. I did hear that one of them had been banging the other's girlfriend so they had a falling out. Whatever.

------
PS- To all the WILAY fans out there (that means you, Flavored Potatoes) do you find that even though it is a wonderful show, the female voices are excessively screechy and sometimes they ring in your head after the show is over?

...

Poop walker, ew!

2005-09-02T15:04:00.000-04:00

Here's a little something from the Best of Craig's List for yas.
.................
I used to work in a large bookstore out in the suburbs. A few months ago, we were visited by the poop walker. Let me explain.

While I’m standing at the customer service desk perfecting my point and lean in answer to “Where’s the Da Vinci Code?” a gentleman comes up to the desk and says there’s a bit of a problem in the bathroom. On a busy Saturday night, there’s pretty much always a problem with the bathroom—toilet paper’s out, someone left a dirty diaper in the middle of the floor, standard back-up. People are pigs. Working in retail, I’ve come to expect nothing more from them.

So I grab our rolling garbage can that has all sorts of nifty bathroom accessories attached to it. I’ll probably need the broom, the extra stack of paper towels will come in handy, hopefully won’t need the plunger and I roll right into the men’s bathroom.

I stop dead in my tracks. There’s a flood. Not a small puddle hovering around the floor drain, but a serious two inches of standing water that seems to be growing. The smell, oh the smell, need I describe it here? Who among us hasn’t taken the giant whiff of stagnant sewage that curls the nose hairs and clenches the throat? And yes, there are brown bits, tiny little flecks of gross bobbing along that seem to spreading from the back stall, the handicapped one.

Like any sane person only making $8.50 an hour, I begin my retreat. Carefully stepping backwards out of the door, I’m envisioning the BATHROOM CLOSED sign I’ll be handcrafting from stray markers hidden in the kid’s department desk. But then I notice I am not alone. The handicapped stall door is shut and there are feet beneath it. Bare feet. And these feet aren’t standing still in shock and horror. They seem to be splashing. Doing a sort of Irish jig mixed with pompom stomping. They seem to be blissfully unaware of me.

I, however, am a bit stupefied by these feet. I realize I should say something, but the my two days of retail training did not cover the friendly, positive, customer service centric way to handle this event. So I try “Sir, are you alright?” No answer. “Sir, is everything okay?” No answer still. Only the slap of water on tile answers and my stomach begins to retch. I realize that my training did provide me with one course of action—get the manager. I flee the encroaching sea of poop water to find Ralph, the assistant manager with the best sense of humor.

After many minutes of “What?,” “You’re shitting me,” and “What the hell . . .”, he charges into the bathroom with me in tow. After a quick inventory of the situation (the feet are still happily slashing away), Ralph tries the hard line approach: “Sir, if you don’t exit the bathroom immediately, we’ll have to call the police.” Splashing stops. We hear a sigh and the stall door opens. Out comes a completely normal looking guy. Completely normal. He’s got on khaki’s and a button down shirt, he’s maybe forty tops, his hair is trimmed and there’s absolutely nothing about him that looks crazy. Except that his khakis are rolled up just below his knees and visibly damp. And he’s holding his sock stuffed shoes in one hand. With his head bowed, he leads the way out.
As you can imagine, the story of the poop walker quickly spread among the bookstore. We found it quite funny, as well as quite gross, and both Ralph and I had retold it at least five times in the half hour after it happened. Then I got a call at the customer service desk from Pam over in music. She asked what the poop walker looked like. I described him and she asked “blue shirt?” “Why, yes,” I said. “He’s still here,” she said, “browsing the Action DVD’s.” I darted over to the music section and low and behold, there was our poop walker, reading the back of a Vin Diesel DVD. He had put his shoes on and unrolled his pants but both were still damp. He took one look at me and left the store, perhaps never to be seen again.

But I know he’s out there. I imagine he travels from big box store to big box store just waiting for an empty bathroom so that the poop dance can begin. By day he may be an accountant or an executive assistant or some sort of analyst but by night he is the poop walker. Please report any sightings.

I'm getting one that says HOLDIN' IT DOWN IN THE BK

2005-09-02T09:32:00.000-04:00

From Inkedblog.com. LA blows but this is kind of cool in a funny way.

...

What if...

2005-09-01T14:53:00.000-04:00

...

Bush pulled our troops out of Iraq and sent them to the new frontier, New Orleans?

...